Q: Hi, I hope you can help me. I have three wonderfully spoiled little dogs... and a fiancee. My first love, my Chihuahua, and my fiancee do not get along. He is also a small dog owner, but he is having a difficult time with discipline. I feel he is a little harsh with the Chi and forces his set of "rules" on him. Needless to say the little dog is terrified of him. I love this guy but I will never choose him over my little ones. Is there a way we can agree on gentle discipline? Am I being a spineless wimp for not having strict rules for my dogs? Is there a way for my fiancee to understand how sensitive a little dog can be, maybe a book to read? Can't we all just get along?

A: If the dog is terrified of your fiancee, this is not a matter of him being "a little harsh" with him. To determine what is a reasonable course of action with your dogs, you could engage a behavior specialist to evaluate how you are handling them. I would start by meeting with this person without your fiancee. Unfortunately it is possible you would encounter a behavior specialist who was not humane, and that would make this bad situation worse!

Once you are satisfied that you and your dogs find the behavior specialist's methods to be helpful and nurturing, then bring your fiancee into it and see if he can learn. Some people can.

If you would ever consider having children with this person, how he treats the dogs is of even greater importance. While parenting and managing dogs are not identical, they certainly are similar, and an unkind dog owner may prove to be a bad father, too.

All sizes of dogs can be sensitive, not just the small ones. It's shameful the way some people "manhandle" large dogs. Sometimes this handling is for lack of knowing a better way to do it, which is a reason for you to consider trying to get education for your fiancee in dog handling before you give up on him.

During courtship, people tend to hold back on showing their true colors. If you are seeing this in him now, there might be even worse to come if you marry him. It's definitely worth taking your time and finding out if he is teachable on this matter before you get married!

Update:Q: Thank you for your response, that was what I thought myself. I have seen a behavior specialist, and we have been to a therapist. I believe his discipline stems from childhood. Unfortunately he is unwilling to look at this problem, much less work it out within himself. The engagement is off, he can hash it out with someone else. Thanks for your candid opinions.

A: Oh gosh, I am so sorry. This must be a terribly painful time for you. It sounds like your dear doggies may have saved you in a very special way from an unfortunate choice of life partners. God bless you, and those good dogs.