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Raised paw, lip licking, leaning away, ears pulled back. Image courtesy of Pat Koven LVT, KPA CTP, LSHC-S

Q: Why does my dog always lick their lips when I try to pet their head?

A: Many dogs are not comfortable with petting around or reaching over their head. Dogs use gestures, such as lip-licking, to signal that they are non-threatening and want to avoid conflict. These are referred to as appeasement behaviors, also known as displacement or calming signals. Your dog may use this as a communication tool to indicate that they are anxious or wary about a situation.

Appeasement behaviors often appear out of context in the situation. If your dog is looking away or licking their lips as you reach to touch them, they are likely signaling "please don't hurt me".

Context matters. Appeasement signals can be directed toward people or other animals and are commonly seen when your dog is concerned about something in the environment. They may be trying to assess the situation while also attempting to de-escalate any potential conflict. These behaviors are attempts by your dog to prevent aggression proactively and are not signs of guilt. When you come home and find a chewed shoe and see your dog turning away or grinning, they are showing stress due to your body language and are fearful, not because they feel remorse.

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Averting gaze, leaning away. Image courtesy Christine D. Calder, DVM, DACVB

Appeasement body language can include:

• lip or nose licking;
• yawning or sneezing;
• turning their head or looking away;
• sniffing the ground;
• wagging their tail softly or tucking it between their legs;
• raising a front paw;
• rolling over to expose their stomach;
• grinning, showing teeth non-aggressively;
• licking hands or legs or jumping up;
• seeking close contact.

If these signals are ignored, misinterpreted, or punished, dogs may feel the need to defend themselves with escalating behaviors, resorting to nipping or biting to create space. If your dog shows repeated or excessive appeasement behaviors, this may indicate chronic stress or anxiety. This should be addressed by giving your dog space, reducing stressors, and building a stronger human-animal bond. Consider consulting your veterinarian if the behaviors occur frequently.